This Saturday Night

It's official. It's ready. Be here.

There Are Rumours...

...that the Lord of the Barbecue is coming back for a visit!! As in, Jesus Christ-stylez!!

Fjort Lager

It's going to be ready by next Saturday. I'm trying to decide just how to celebrate.

Hmm....

Not To Be Morbid, But...

There are people out there who have given up on life and commit serious crimes hoping that they will be killed in a shootout with police. For someone like that, I think getting tasered would be a major disappointment, to say the least.

Elevator Etiquette

One time I was on an elevator by myself. I was standing by the buttons, which I don't normally do if it's just me. I don't want to be in the way if someone else gets on and needs a different floor.

A mentally challenged guy gets on and says "could you hit two, please", which I did. He stood at the other side, minding his own business. Then, a woman got on who did not seem mentally challenged. But she stood behind me and reached right in front of my face to press her desired button. This pissed me off, because although I fucked up by standing in front of the console, the only corrective action was for me to press buttons for people. Otherwise, I give them no choice but to violate my space.

Was the woman too proud to ask me to press the button? Or did she just not give a fuck about my personal space? The cynic I am, I'm assuming the latter.

The mentally challenged guy handled the situation with much more grace. He knew the social etiquettes of the elevator better than the woman did.

Don't sell people short.

What a weird post.

Children

My older friends will testify to the fact that I have not said many good things about children over the years. I don't feel confident having any sort of conversation with anyone under twelve, and even being in the same room as a baby usually puts me on edge. So what I'm about to say may shock you.

Today I was getting some lunch and there was a woman behind me in line with a small boy in a stroller. He was probably about 3 or 4, max. He wasn't deformed or anything, but was in obvious misery. I have no idea what was wrong with him, but it looked like a really, really, really bad cold. He didn't talk or cry. He was awake, slumped over to one side with a look on his face that seemed to say "I feel like ASS".

As soon as I saw him, I just felt really sad. He looked powerless to even complain, or express anything, except with the look of misery on his face. My heart really went out to him. I kind of mentally gave him a pat on the head and said "hang in there bigguy".

This may be the first time in my life I've ever felt tenderness toward a child. Usually it's just indifference, annoyance or outright fear.

I must be getting old.

We Have No Apples Today

The show was cancelled on account of band illness.

We still had an awesome trip though. Great friends, great food, great beer and a pretty sweet hockey game. Bought some records too, so check out my radio show this weekend.

Tomorrow!

It's In The Bottle

Now, we wait.

Daedalus Is At It Again!!

Singing the theme... is that Johnny "I Can See Clearly Now" Nash?!?

King Dorian is such a wimp.

I'll Admit It. I'm Obsessed With The Hercules Cartoon.

Listen to that theme song... I think somebody has a crush on ol' Herc.



That evil tree frightened me.

Oops

How's this for embarrassment:

So I'm at the station tonight and I notice a new CD from a band I've heard many good things about (but not for a couple of years). I get on the air talking about how excited I am to hear new stuff from this band. To spice up my on-air talk, I get out their press page and start to read. It is at this point where I discover that most of the band died in a van accident almost four years ago. The CD is a comp of unreleased tracks.

Man, did I feel like a tool. Shows how out of touch I am.

The moral of this story is: always know everything, all the time.

Something Else Bobby Told Me

"My life is dirt but you seem to make it cleaner
Reduce my felony to a misdemeanor"

-GBV

Mental Illness

Mental illness is a sheer cliff into oblivion. All of us are placed at birth somewhere in proximity to the cliff's edge. Some never get to touch stable ground in their lifetimes. Others never come within sight of the cliff. Still others can see the edge, or are sitting on it, or hanging over it by their fingertips.

The circumstances of our lives can change where we stand in relation to the cliff. A person born near it can be pushed close to (or over) the edge under certain conditions. Those born far away can be pushed and pushed, but may never see the edge.

In some cases, someone born dangerously near the cliff's edge may actually be pushed out of danger by favorable circumstances in their lives. Less pleasant circumstances may have spelled their doom.

It is possible for a person to live on the edge of the cliff by developing certain survival skills. Strong limbs and a keen awareness of danger, and how to avoid or mitigate it, are the skills one needs to survive under such conditions.

Message Found In A Bottle

"I've had a long, happy life filled with comfort and love. I have no regrets.

But I'm old now. The world around me has changed, and not for the better. I've tried to adapt, but I miss the old ways I used to live.

I've changed too. My legs ache when I walk, so I spend most of the day in my chair. I feel sick all the time, and can no longer eat as much food as I should without becoming ill.

Neither has my mind has been spared by age. Sometimes I get lost on the way to the bathroom and end up making my caregivers angry. I know they love me, as I do them, but any time their affection turns to scorn, I feel it in my heart. I'm embarrassed and ashamed. I don't know what to do.

I'm not a fool. I know age is an affliction with no cure. I also know what will happen when they grow tired of being angry with me. Yes, I love them. But on the day they put me in the Cage and lead me to the Gallows, I will scream and cry, I will shit, piss and puke for all I'm worth. These dirty things they hate so much will be the last tangible expressions of my will to live."

-anonymous

Many Shows, Few People

There's always the danger that when your band often turns down shows, there will be a perception that snobbery is the reason. "Oh, you think you're too good to play with us?" But in a city this size, you just can't keep playing and playing week in and week out.

Faced with a choice of being viewed as an aloof snob or becoming boring to myself and the people who like my band, I'm gonna take the former. I'm not an aloof snob, and that will be true regardless of what shows my band plays.

I'll be honest with you. I thought tonight's barbecue lacked a little soul. Not enough afterplay, which is essential.

I'll keep this in mind for next time.

Visionary

Perfect

Those people who appear perfect... I wonder about them. Since nobody's perfect, their flaws must be hidden.

I'd love to have a look.

The Hotdamnburger

I hereby retire from barbecuing this entity on the grounds that it does not cook efficiently enough. The outside burns, while the inside remains raw. This is unacceptable, and inconsistent with the high standards of quality for which the Fjort is known.

I apologize to anyone innocently caught up in this cruel debacle.

In Other Fjort News...

Tomorrow (Friday) marks our latest barbecue. We will finally unleash upon the world:

The Hotdamnburger.

Vegetables will also be served, as per standard practice. Arrive early, as I've heard other events are taking place around the city. Also, drink lots of beer and leave your bottles behind. More on that later.

If You Write A Million Songs There Will Be At Least A Few Great Lines

"I dare not say
The way I feel
About your inability to
Suck it up and win the game"

-GBV

Soul

If one were to set about making very clinical, deliberately soulless music or other art... wouldn't that in itself require a certain amount of soul?

Hair

There are three types of hairstyle: Timeless, Modern and Neither. There's this woman about my age (maybe a little younger) I always see on the bus who has a "Neither" - total 80s hair. I wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt... maybe she's an 80s pop culture enthusiast who consciously goes after that look. Or maybe she just hasn't tinkered with it in a while. If neither of these scenarios are true, it seems like an odd kind of look to suddenly "bust out". I think of hairstylists as very hip, forward thinking people. Maybe that's a stereotype I need to get over.

I don't begrudge someone a consistent look. For me, something timeless is better for that sort of thing; however, chacun son goût.