Birthday
Tonight I checked out LH's birthday bash at a local tavern. She wore a tiara, and rock and roll bands played. A good crowd of people showed up, and fun times were had. LH was enjoying it all, and why not? A person's birthday is their day, and they should be able to enjoy it as they see fit.
I have my own ideas on what to do for my birthday, and they're pretty different from the above. I'm a very modest person, and I don't like to be the center of unwanted attention. I stress unwanted. Trying to get people's attention and succeeding is a wonderful thing. But being the recipient of attention I don't want is something that infuriates me. This is why I don't allow people to do things for my birthday. The best gift you can give me on this day is to leave me alone (you probably won't have a choice - see below). My birthday isn't important to me, and I demand that it not be important to anyone I know. Is that so much to ask?
It is to some people. They insist on giving me stupid cards, etc. Stop it. If you absolutely MUST acknowledge this day to me, just do it verbally and move on. I don't want any cards, food, presents or parties. I want NOTHING. Anything else will piss me the fuck off.
Maybe someone out there is thinking "Oh, Ash. There you go being coy again. We know you really love all that birthday stuff". Well think again, bozo. Below I will illustrate some examples of what I have done for my past few birthdays. You'll start to see a pattern.
1998 - S'toon, SK - My first summer away from home. I knew no one. It worked out fine, and I liked it.
1999 - S'toon, SK - I have a friend in that town with a birthday the day before my own (same year). I thought that was kind of neat, so we decided to bond over it with some other friends. The plan was for a couple carloads of us to go see a movie at the drive-in, but it just ended up being my friend and I because no one else showed up. Just two dudes in a car watching a cartoon at the drive-in.
It was time to take control of the situation.
2000 - Hx, NS - My feeling now was that my birthday should be all about me, which meant no one else would be allowed to get involved. I woke up, got on my bike and pedaled many miles around the local harbour/basin/outlying suburban areas. It was a weekend, and this took all day. No one could get me. I loved it.
2001 - Hx, NS - I had to work on this day. People at my work have this habit of filling each other's desks with cards and presents on their birthdays. I had, in passing, mentioned that this was not necessary with me but my hint was ignored. My way of evening the score was to bring in a cake the next day, for them - with an explanation that their generosity was appreciated, but NOT NECESSARY.
Some still ignore my request for birthday anonymity. Rather than tell them to fuck off and probably get fired, I throw the shit in a drawer and don't even look at it. Then when the people who gave it to me aren't looking, I throw it all in the garbage. I mean fucking business. To make things less awkward, I now book my birthday off, every year. In 2001 I burned off my frustration by going on another marathon bike ride after work. I had a profound sense that I needed to send a very clear message to the world that I want to be left the fuck alone on this day. So...
2002 - Yellowknife, NWT - In 2002 I went to great lengths to avoid the annual hassle. I loaded my bike onto an airplane and flew to the Northwest Territories. I stayed in a campground and had very little human contact for about four days. Except for the guy who threatened to kill me my last night there. That was my first time camping, ever. I biked around and saw pretty much everything there was to see in this small sub-arctic town. It's a neat little place, but holy mosquitos! On my birthday I did pretty much nothing except bike and take photos. At one point I went to a library and e-mailed my mom. I remember basically forgetting what day it was. No one around me knew. It was awesome.
2003 - Queens Co., NS - This is a long story but I'll be brief. I enjoyed the camping trip from the previous year, but I thought it might be more fun with fewer people threatening to kill me. I booked a cabin in Keji about 17 km back in the woods. There was a trail that was passable by bike. I thought I could get there in two hours, and left that much time before sundown, but no more. Close but no cigar. The sun went down, and I couldn't find the cabin. I dropped off my bike and heavy backpack to go searching for it along the shore of a lake. That didn't work, and it got so dark I couldn't find my stuff. Then it started to rain. I didn't even have a flashlight - just the clothes I was wearing and a bicycle helmet. I ended up huddling under a rock and turned around whenever the side of me facing the wind got too cold. To put it very mildly, I did not get much sleep. I looked at my watch every 15 minutes, and the song "Hunters And Collectors" by Can was stuck in my head for roughly 7 hours. Near the end, my mind started playing tricks on me. There were imaginary bears all around. Anytime anything moved - bear. Eventually I couldn't take it anymore. I moved down to the shore and sat on a rock until the sun was high enough in the sky that I could go and search for my stuff. Having done so, I began the 2 hour bike ride (sans sleep, food or water) back to the car. You'd think this would be an awful, gruelling memory... and you'd be right. That said, I experienced thoughts and perceptions during the ride back which I had not had before, nor since. I felt very creative. In my head as I biked, I formed a pop punk band called the Dunkelmans. I wrote about ten songs, all of which I forgot not long after leaving the woods. I remember writing a song about Yao Ming. Whatever.
The drive back to the city was the real gruelling part. I almost crashed the car about a hundred times. I drank nasty chain-coffee. I was totally fucked up. But in a weird way it was one of the greatest birthdays ever.
2004 - Queens Co., NS - In 2003, Keji had defeated me - but this defeat would be avenged. I got right back on the bike and did the whole thing all over again. I left myself more time to find the cabin, a strategy which proved successful. The cabin was basic but nice. Better than a rock. It gets really dark back there, which is kind of freaky. I cooked dinner and breakfast over an open fire. I read a good book, and the newspaper. I took some photos. Absolutely everything went right, and the bike ride back to the car was uneventful. I didn't hallucinate about the Dunkelmans, although I did have "Ticket To Ride" stuck in my head for the duration.
2005 - Hx, NS - There had been a pattern of lonerdom over the past few years, but in the summer of 2005 I was in a relationship, so the rules changed a little. Girlfriends can do whatever they want for my birthday. This day was quite a bit more civilized than the last few, but our main activity provided just as much escape as my camping trips. At the same time, it was more human-centered. We spent much of the day watching my ex-gf's younger sister participate in a track meet for the Special Olympics. My ex was worried that I'd find this a boring way to spend my birthday, but the opposite was true. I knew I was unlikely to run into people I know, so that was good. I had a sense of anonymity too. Plus, I got a glimpse into a part of society I haven't had much exposure to, and it was actually pretty cool. The kids participating were really pumped for each event. It was fun and strangely liberating to be a part of. A very different take on the birthday escape, but one I won't forget.
2006 - Well... I'll be about two weeks removed from an escape of another kind, so I may not be in the mood for an epic adventure. I do have the day off work though. I'm sure I'll go somewhere and have some peace.
I have my own ideas on what to do for my birthday, and they're pretty different from the above. I'm a very modest person, and I don't like to be the center of unwanted attention. I stress unwanted. Trying to get people's attention and succeeding is a wonderful thing. But being the recipient of attention I don't want is something that infuriates me. This is why I don't allow people to do things for my birthday. The best gift you can give me on this day is to leave me alone (you probably won't have a choice - see below). My birthday isn't important to me, and I demand that it not be important to anyone I know. Is that so much to ask?
It is to some people. They insist on giving me stupid cards, etc. Stop it. If you absolutely MUST acknowledge this day to me, just do it verbally and move on. I don't want any cards, food, presents or parties. I want NOTHING. Anything else will piss me the fuck off.
Maybe someone out there is thinking "Oh, Ash. There you go being coy again. We know you really love all that birthday stuff". Well think again, bozo. Below I will illustrate some examples of what I have done for my past few birthdays. You'll start to see a pattern.
1998 - S'toon, SK - My first summer away from home. I knew no one. It worked out fine, and I liked it.
1999 - S'toon, SK - I have a friend in that town with a birthday the day before my own (same year). I thought that was kind of neat, so we decided to bond over it with some other friends. The plan was for a couple carloads of us to go see a movie at the drive-in, but it just ended up being my friend and I because no one else showed up. Just two dudes in a car watching a cartoon at the drive-in.
It was time to take control of the situation.
2000 - Hx, NS - My feeling now was that my birthday should be all about me, which meant no one else would be allowed to get involved. I woke up, got on my bike and pedaled many miles around the local harbour/basin/outlying suburban areas. It was a weekend, and this took all day. No one could get me. I loved it.
2001 - Hx, NS - I had to work on this day. People at my work have this habit of filling each other's desks with cards and presents on their birthdays. I had, in passing, mentioned that this was not necessary with me but my hint was ignored. My way of evening the score was to bring in a cake the next day, for them - with an explanation that their generosity was appreciated, but NOT NECESSARY.
Some still ignore my request for birthday anonymity. Rather than tell them to fuck off and probably get fired, I throw the shit in a drawer and don't even look at it. Then when the people who gave it to me aren't looking, I throw it all in the garbage. I mean fucking business. To make things less awkward, I now book my birthday off, every year. In 2001 I burned off my frustration by going on another marathon bike ride after work. I had a profound sense that I needed to send a very clear message to the world that I want to be left the fuck alone on this day. So...
2002 - Yellowknife, NWT - In 2002 I went to great lengths to avoid the annual hassle. I loaded my bike onto an airplane and flew to the Northwest Territories. I stayed in a campground and had very little human contact for about four days. Except for the guy who threatened to kill me my last night there. That was my first time camping, ever. I biked around and saw pretty much everything there was to see in this small sub-arctic town. It's a neat little place, but holy mosquitos! On my birthday I did pretty much nothing except bike and take photos. At one point I went to a library and e-mailed my mom. I remember basically forgetting what day it was. No one around me knew. It was awesome.
2003 - Queens Co., NS - This is a long story but I'll be brief. I enjoyed the camping trip from the previous year, but I thought it might be more fun with fewer people threatening to kill me. I booked a cabin in Keji about 17 km back in the woods. There was a trail that was passable by bike. I thought I could get there in two hours, and left that much time before sundown, but no more. Close but no cigar. The sun went down, and I couldn't find the cabin. I dropped off my bike and heavy backpack to go searching for it along the shore of a lake. That didn't work, and it got so dark I couldn't find my stuff. Then it started to rain. I didn't even have a flashlight - just the clothes I was wearing and a bicycle helmet. I ended up huddling under a rock and turned around whenever the side of me facing the wind got too cold. To put it very mildly, I did not get much sleep. I looked at my watch every 15 minutes, and the song "Hunters And Collectors" by Can was stuck in my head for roughly 7 hours. Near the end, my mind started playing tricks on me. There were imaginary bears all around. Anytime anything moved - bear. Eventually I couldn't take it anymore. I moved down to the shore and sat on a rock until the sun was high enough in the sky that I could go and search for my stuff. Having done so, I began the 2 hour bike ride (sans sleep, food or water) back to the car. You'd think this would be an awful, gruelling memory... and you'd be right. That said, I experienced thoughts and perceptions during the ride back which I had not had before, nor since. I felt very creative. In my head as I biked, I formed a pop punk band called the Dunkelmans. I wrote about ten songs, all of which I forgot not long after leaving the woods. I remember writing a song about Yao Ming. Whatever.
The drive back to the city was the real gruelling part. I almost crashed the car about a hundred times. I drank nasty chain-coffee. I was totally fucked up. But in a weird way it was one of the greatest birthdays ever.
2004 - Queens Co., NS - In 2003, Keji had defeated me - but this defeat would be avenged. I got right back on the bike and did the whole thing all over again. I left myself more time to find the cabin, a strategy which proved successful. The cabin was basic but nice. Better than a rock. It gets really dark back there, which is kind of freaky. I cooked dinner and breakfast over an open fire. I read a good book, and the newspaper. I took some photos. Absolutely everything went right, and the bike ride back to the car was uneventful. I didn't hallucinate about the Dunkelmans, although I did have "Ticket To Ride" stuck in my head for the duration.
2005 - Hx, NS - There had been a pattern of lonerdom over the past few years, but in the summer of 2005 I was in a relationship, so the rules changed a little. Girlfriends can do whatever they want for my birthday. This day was quite a bit more civilized than the last few, but our main activity provided just as much escape as my camping trips. At the same time, it was more human-centered. We spent much of the day watching my ex-gf's younger sister participate in a track meet for the Special Olympics. My ex was worried that I'd find this a boring way to spend my birthday, but the opposite was true. I knew I was unlikely to run into people I know, so that was good. I had a sense of anonymity too. Plus, I got a glimpse into a part of society I haven't had much exposure to, and it was actually pretty cool. The kids participating were really pumped for each event. It was fun and strangely liberating to be a part of. A very different take on the birthday escape, but one I won't forget.
2006 - Well... I'll be about two weeks removed from an escape of another kind, so I may not be in the mood for an epic adventure. I do have the day off work though. I'm sure I'll go somewhere and have some peace.
posted by the baron ash von foolishness at 12:26 AM
3 Comments:
Yeah, in retrospect that was outta line. Too public.
Belated apology? : )
I came off a little harsher than I intended. I do appreciate the efforts of close friends to have intimate celebrations. I think it's all the hoo-ha with work that made me bitter. If there's to be organized birthday revelry, I like it to be very private and among good friends only.
I can really relate with your sentiments, Ash. I am exactly the same way with regards to birthdays (in fact, I found myself thinking as I was reading your post "I could have wrote this!"). I never have any interest in celebrating my birthday whatsoever. I would prefer if everyone just forgot about it and moved on. I'm definitely not the cake and balloons type.
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