A Parable About Growing Up, by The Baron

Johnny (age 7): "Mom, mom! Guess what happened at school today! A girl kicked a boy right in the dick!"

Mom: "Now Johnny, you know you're not allowed to say words like that. It is called a 'penis'. Now, what is that thing called?"

Johnny (hangs head): "A penis."

Mom: "That's right. And I don't want to hear any more foul language from your mouth, is that clear?"

Johnny: "Yes, mom."

Mom: "Now go to your room and think about what you've done."

(The next day at school...)

Johnny: "Hey Billy, did you hear what happened yesterday? A girl kicked a boy right in the penis!"

Billy (also age 7, raising fist menacingly): "It's called a fuckin' dick. Say it."

Johnny (hangs head): "She kicked him in the dick."

Billy (threanteningly authoritative): "That's better."

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I think some parents set their kids up for social problems at school. At some point, a kid has to learn that home and school are two very different realities.

Johnny is screwed in this story; his mom will have the power to punish him for years to come. Billy is tougher than Johnny, and is effectively his boss at school. Unless Johnny fights Billy and runs away from home, he is disempowered. A smart child learns to avoid these confrontations before they happen, thus maintaining some measure of self-empowerment in a world full of bullies and puritanical parents. Sure, a scolding will always be better than a beating, but a clever child need not worry about either.

There is an art I'll call "How To Say Exactly The Same Thing To Two Different People In Two Different Ways". For a child, this can mean the difference between coming home with a black eye, and not. As adults, we're not likely to be worried about getting beaten up over semantics (certainly it can happen), but we can use this art in different ways for our gain. We can use it to be accepted by disparate groups of people. We can also use it to help us get what we want. Sugar/vinegar. Grease/tire iron. For better or for worse, I think the less school resembles home, the stronger this reflex becomes. And it can be very useful.

I should have become a businessman.